Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
