im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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