Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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