Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
