it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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