He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
