I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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