remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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