I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
