it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
