Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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