Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
