They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
