Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
