I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
