Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
this must be what syphilis tastes like
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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