When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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