I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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