It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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