don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
