Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
