Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
