I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He felt like a one man threesome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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