plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
