There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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