Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
