the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
