I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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