I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
