That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
