Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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