good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
