Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
