You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
