what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
