I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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