Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
