i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
