so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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