Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
