I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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