I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
