Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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