Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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