K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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