my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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