thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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