Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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