let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
