even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
