Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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